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A celebration of temptation

January 6, 2012

Temptation isn’t a topic to be treated lightly – it is, after all, the darker side of desire, that sensation of wanting something that we know we shouldn’t have. It struggles with our conscience, mocks our good intentions, and it’s a stronger man than I who has never succumbed.

I’m obviously not talking about the temptation that ice-cream commercials bandy around recklessly or which people use when they say “Gee, I’m tempted to have another coffee,” but rather the ungovernable force of nature that leads to illicit affairs, broken dreams and disillusionment. The temptation that, at the very least, leads us down a dark path we later wish we had never found.

Few have expressed the conflicting emotions of temptation better than Neil Finn. When, in his tortured song Into Temptation, he sings: “The guilty get no sleep / in the last slow hours of morning / Experience is cheap / I should’ve listened to the warning…” you get the feeling that he’s been there himself.

Not many songs can compete with this honesty. In the Animals’ House of the Rising Sun, for example, Eric Burdon may caution against visiting whorehouses but when he smoothly intones how the experience ruined him it somehow lacks conviction.

A festival on temptation must then turn to literature which, ever since the Bible recounted the misadventures of Adam and Eve, has never been short of examples. One of the most famous, of course, is Robert Louis Stevenson’s Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, which posed the notion that everyone possesses an evil side which, once tapped into, can overwhelm their conscience with the giddy delight of vicarious debauchery. (more…)

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A celebration of humilation

December 16, 2011

It’s not something Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus or any of pop’s boy bands will sing about. It’s not dark and mysterious, sexy or honourable, and most importantly it’s certainly not aspirational. It’s humiliation, that stain on our everyday lives most musicians completely ignore. Try to think of a single humiliation song and you’d be hard-pressed – after going through all my CDs, researching the topic and humiliating myself by asking complete strangers in bars, the best examples I could come up with were a few Smiths, Joy Division and Elvis Costello tunes and even they barely scratch the surface.
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Three Minutes – here’s the first chapter of my book

December 4, 2011

Three minutes.

That’s all I have.

More than that is foreplay, a waste of time.

This is my new theory.

The first bite of a greasy hamburger, drag of a cigarette, sip of a cold beer. After that, the pleasure wanes.

The best part of sex is penetration.

Not everyone agrees with me. Actually, no-one does. Most people quibble about the time frame – that it should be called three seconds, or one minute.

Pedantic fucks.

My girlfriend made a cruel (and highly inaccurate) comment about my sexual performance.

They’re all missing the concept.

Most of our thrills, what really excites us, takes place in a short time frame.

Long-term mortgages, expensive therapy bills, 40-hour working weeks.

They’re all distractions.

We should be focusing on short-term thrills instead.

You might think I’m shallow, I may not be bald and wearing a kaftan, but I think I’m onto something.

I may not know exactly what it is, but I want my groupies.

Three minutes.

The clock is ticking …

 

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